I feel it would be wise to compile a list of rules to live by. I seem to screw things up far too often, and rarely learn from mistakes. Perhaps an emotional adjustment would be possible? I wish!
So here is the list so far:
1) When a relationship ends... DON'T cling to the hope that it may be re-kindled!
2) DON'T attempt to be your ex partners best friend- it's torture!
3) If you weren't already in love with the ex partner, DON'T stick around and wait to fall!
You would have thought that's pretty basic stuff- yet I didn't have the mind to see it. Stupid, over-emotional loser!!
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Sunday, 11 April 2010
That moment, when more than ever, you feel totally alone...
I went out tonight, to a party. Everyone there was younger than me. Everyone there was in a relationship. Everyone there was happy.I was miserable and alone! I shouldn't have gone, I knew that before I even got there... but three glasses of champagne, a double vodka and orange, and 4 sambuca shots later I knew it was going to be a bad night.
He is asleep now- the knight for whom my heart sings. For now, at least, it is no more than a lament, for he is not happy and nor will he be until he knows his own desires. I almost know mine. They are not what they should be at this point. They are strong in me, and oh, so selfish!! I want to snap him up, and carry him off, so that he would be mine. A word with an outsider made me realise tonight just how strong my feelings may be... too strong perhaps in such a small body. Alas I cannot save him from himself...
Earlier on this evening, he told me of his troubles. It doesn't seem right that one so beautiful should suffer so much. I would take his pain upon myself just to spare him. I try to open his eyes to all the beauty of the world...but the darkness seeps back in. It engulfs him, and maybe someday me too. I fear it a little... but at least he'll be with me in the deep black.
I feel so lonely when he's not around. When he's upset, I even cry. He is an extension of myself... and in that sense, I can never leave his side- but what if I end up collapsing under the weight of all this? I cannot tell him how I feel, I think I might love him... and that means trouble- for all of us!
He is asleep now- the knight for whom my heart sings. For now, at least, it is no more than a lament, for he is not happy and nor will he be until he knows his own desires. I almost know mine. They are not what they should be at this point. They are strong in me, and oh, so selfish!! I want to snap him up, and carry him off, so that he would be mine. A word with an outsider made me realise tonight just how strong my feelings may be... too strong perhaps in such a small body. Alas I cannot save him from himself...
Earlier on this evening, he told me of his troubles. It doesn't seem right that one so beautiful should suffer so much. I would take his pain upon myself just to spare him. I try to open his eyes to all the beauty of the world...but the darkness seeps back in. It engulfs him, and maybe someday me too. I fear it a little... but at least he'll be with me in the deep black.
I feel so lonely when he's not around. When he's upset, I even cry. He is an extension of myself... and in that sense, I can never leave his side- but what if I end up collapsing under the weight of all this? I cannot tell him how I feel, I think I might love him... and that means trouble- for all of us!
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
A speck in the dust...
The vultures descend and begin to pick at the little flesh that's left on the humanoid corpse... Where once a maiden stood with white, elfin limbs, now only tatters of linen and hollow bones lie. She wandered this earth alone for too long...
Cruel winds whipped her face, and the beating sun stung her lips like a thousand wasps with no remorse. It offered no warmth. No comfort.
To anyone on the outside- she would be just another nameless casualty... but there is one who would care. Another traveller. His contempt for this empty planet keeps him moving. Too long in one place and he will become disenchanted with life. It is with him that our dearest Nimrodel would have escaped. She never stopped waiting. She died waiting.
Cruel winds whipped her face, and the beating sun stung her lips like a thousand wasps with no remorse. It offered no warmth. No comfort.
To anyone on the outside- she would be just another nameless casualty... but there is one who would care. Another traveller. His contempt for this empty planet keeps him moving. Too long in one place and he will become disenchanted with life. It is with him that our dearest Nimrodel would have escaped. She never stopped waiting. She died waiting.
Friday, 2 April 2010
Make me one with everything... and other punch lines...
Dear One,
How can there be any reasonable explanation for this? Every second that you're not here seems like a minute, and every minute is like an hour. It's not fun. Not fun at all...
It's made worse because I see you too often. We are now barely separable. I'm probably seeing you now when you're not there, and it worries me... too bad when you finally go for good. I would beg you not to go where I can't follow, but it would be useless. You are a free spirit if ever there was one, and companionship does not suit you as well as you or I would believe. Maybe one day- when you are not so wild, so restless.
Is it selfish to wish that it will be soon? Is it selfish to have a hope?
Forgive me,
Yours eternally, EM
How can there be any reasonable explanation for this? Every second that you're not here seems like a minute, and every minute is like an hour. It's not fun. Not fun at all...
It's made worse because I see you too often. We are now barely separable. I'm probably seeing you now when you're not there, and it worries me... too bad when you finally go for good. I would beg you not to go where I can't follow, but it would be useless. You are a free spirit if ever there was one, and companionship does not suit you as well as you or I would believe. Maybe one day- when you are not so wild, so restless.
Is it selfish to wish that it will be soon? Is it selfish to have a hope?
Forgive me,
Yours eternally, EM
Saturday, 27 March 2010
The sun has made a thousand nights for you to hold...
My life could be a BBC drama. The stage is set, the characters cast, and the storyline unfolds so predictably that most of you would tune out.
I'm bored of her games now. Princess or not, she has no right to treat a noble man with such disrespect. He begins to understand, I think, that she plays him. I wish he would lay his cards down and walk away. He gives her an ultimatum, and she calls his bluff. He folds. Part of him will always go back to her...
He was only gone a day or so, but he returned to me in no better shape for having been reunited with his long lost love. I know not what happened, only that he is learning for himself what he wants, and what he needs. She may be royalty, but he is far more precious. I will do my best, with these elfin hands, to see that he is made well again. The sun has made a thousand 'knights' for you to hold?
I'm bored of her games now. Princess or not, she has no right to treat a noble man with such disrespect. He begins to understand, I think, that she plays him. I wish he would lay his cards down and walk away. He gives her an ultimatum, and she calls his bluff. He folds. Part of him will always go back to her...
He was only gone a day or so, but he returned to me in no better shape for having been reunited with his long lost love. I know not what happened, only that he is learning for himself what he wants, and what he needs. She may be royalty, but he is far more precious. I will do my best, with these elfin hands, to see that he is made well again. The sun has made a thousand 'knights' for you to hold?
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
A double whammy? Why the hell not?!
I'm sitting staring at the inside of my eyelids...
I hear news from the knave...and what's left of my heart shatters like a mirror, and distorts my view of the world. Of life. Of love.
I start to doubt that he was ever what I though him to be. I mustn't do that, I tell myself- he is EXACTLY what I thought him to be. A man of honour. I'm sure I would have fallen in love with him sooner than I should have. I'm already halfway there. Caught in limbo. He is my own beautiful mirage. Always there, as clear as day, and I cant touch him...
I feel sick, and I'm shaking as if the marrow in my bones were on fire. I pray for the strength to say what I need to, but it escapes me. He doesn't know, nor can he ever. He has her now, the one he loves.
I shall go into the west, and diminish...
I hear news from the knave...and what's left of my heart shatters like a mirror, and distorts my view of the world. Of life. Of love.
I start to doubt that he was ever what I though him to be. I mustn't do that, I tell myself- he is EXACTLY what I thought him to be. A man of honour. I'm sure I would have fallen in love with him sooner than I should have. I'm already halfway there. Caught in limbo. He is my own beautiful mirage. Always there, as clear as day, and I cant touch him...
I feel sick, and I'm shaking as if the marrow in my bones were on fire. I pray for the strength to say what I need to, but it escapes me. He doesn't know, nor can he ever. He has her now, the one he loves.
I shall go into the west, and diminish...
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