A thousand times I've tempted fate...

... A thousand times I've played this game! Here's a little something I wrote when I was thinking clearly, a little something I penned simply to get it out of my head. This is as I wrote it then, with no edits: 'In the absence of a computer, this will have to do. With a bit of luck, no one, not even me will be able to understand the scrawl that is written here. Historically, alcohol is the best medium for exaggerating emotions, which on a good day can mean fantastic things- I'm glad for you. On a bad day, it can turn a shocking revelation into a life-altering catastrophe. Vodka, I'm glad you are here with me at the end of all things. This is a lesson to society that girls can indeed be friend-zoned too. On an EPIC scale. With the alcohol in control of my emotions, and my emotions in control of my writing, I am almost certain now is not the time to be scribbling down such drivel. At least it can be noted as truth. * * * Shut up EM, you're not doing this again. * * * My trouble is that I build myself up, put on a show, I cant really deal with what lies in front of me- so he will never know how it really affects me. He is out having fun (as I should be) because I told him too. He doesn't yet know I'm going to leave.I can't enjoy myself, and I can't lose it- not now. Sobriety and acceptance are the key. One I can manage for sure... but acceptance, not so much. My heart swells and threatens to stick in my throat. If I know all this is make-believe, why did I succumb?! * * * He is your weakness- and he knows it. * * * Not anymore! * * * This is all too close to home. Leave now. Don't tell anyone. He won't notice. He'll know something is missing, but it'll be Monday before he realises what. * * * Shut up. Man up. * * * Fine. No more flirting. It's far from harmless. This is too close for me now. Thankyou and goodnight.'