I've never not felt like a Misfit myself. I guess I just picked the short straw somewhere between this life and the previous. You would think I'd be used to the disappointment by now, but alas, I'm not. I constantly build myself up, and then get completely crushed by those who presume to be 'friends'. Turns out I don't actually have any friends. Not even the knave. No one can sense that there's something wrong again. The switch has flipped. The waterworks begin.
Somewhere, he escapes to another land. It isn't any land that I know of, so I refuse to join him. Tonight I am feeling too fragile for grand adventures. Instead I sit alone in my chamber, and wish that he would notice- not that that would make a mark of difference, to either of us. I was tempted for a moment to forsake my bed, and head over to his castle, but I know that I wouldn't enjoy myself, and could probably damage his good mood in the process. I'm sure I have a bottle of wine around here somewhere...
And then, what's this? My Lancelot appears. A stranger from a distant land, whom I know so well, and yet not at all. He doesn't know magick as such, but he's the type to hold it in respect. He sometimes treats me as lady, but he can be crude. I quite like it at times, and then feel bad for liking it. I know he will never by my king either. That idea I am now quite used to.
Anyway... Happy Halloween you freaks
Sunday 31 October 2010
Friday 22 October 2010
A Lunar Year...
Wax and wane, wax and wane, wax and wane.
Time hasn't stopped. A great white pimple hanging in the night sky, reminds me of how much time I have wasted. Once upon a time, I thought he would notice this event. But he doesn't know magick any more. He doesn't feel it any more.
Just because he doesn't mean to hurt me, the pain isn't any less real. I stare into the flame of a candle I just lit. Pyrokinesis is a skill I wish I could master. At least pyrodivination seems to work for me. I know my path.
Last night I learnt a valuable lesson... he doesn't want to grow to love me. He wouldn't give us another try because he doesn't want to. For this reason... I'm putting an end to it all. No more soppy letters. No more giving myself to him. No more caving in to my own desires.
From now on... I AM alone.
Time hasn't stopped. A great white pimple hanging in the night sky, reminds me of how much time I have wasted. Once upon a time, I thought he would notice this event. But he doesn't know magick any more. He doesn't feel it any more.
Just because he doesn't mean to hurt me, the pain isn't any less real. I stare into the flame of a candle I just lit. Pyrokinesis is a skill I wish I could master. At least pyrodivination seems to work for me. I know my path.
Last night I learnt a valuable lesson... he doesn't want to grow to love me. He wouldn't give us another try because he doesn't want to. For this reason... I'm putting an end to it all. No more soppy letters. No more giving myself to him. No more caving in to my own desires.
From now on... I AM alone.
Thursday 21 October 2010
There Is A Hell...
... believe me, I've seen it. There is a heaven- lets keep it a secret. I'll pretend these words are taken from a better source than they are. I am not 15. I do not have awful taste in music. I convince myself so easily.
A holiday of sorts... just what I need. I stockpile food, and barricade myself in my chamber, trying to keep out the cold, trying to keep out the world. Somewhere out in the wilderness is a man. A lonesome, broken, man.
He's removed his armour now, laid down his sword... the metal grows even heavier in the bitterness of the approaching winter. Now, without his helmet, we can see his world-worn face. The eyes beneath his furrowed brow are not those of a man of 25 years. Old before his time, in a world that isn't his own.
He cant fit in here, not like I can... and though I'd rather be myself with him, if he wont take me, I shall remain half human, on this earthly plane. I dress myself in human gear, line my stomach with human food... but it doesn't feel the same. Nothing fills the void. He will eat his weight in the food from our realm, and quench his thirst with the goblin juice. I envy him, and pity him.
How I wish to leave this cage. This monotonous existence that holds no magick and no meaning. He has such freedom, and yet he bears such a burden. His inability to conform leaves him stranded, outcast. He has such wit, and wisdom, and all I could ask for... all I desire. Yet in this realm, the only currency is gold.
A holiday of sorts... just what I need. I stockpile food, and barricade myself in my chamber, trying to keep out the cold, trying to keep out the world. Somewhere out in the wilderness is a man. A lonesome, broken, man.
He's removed his armour now, laid down his sword... the metal grows even heavier in the bitterness of the approaching winter. Now, without his helmet, we can see his world-worn face. The eyes beneath his furrowed brow are not those of a man of 25 years. Old before his time, in a world that isn't his own.
He cant fit in here, not like I can... and though I'd rather be myself with him, if he wont take me, I shall remain half human, on this earthly plane. I dress myself in human gear, line my stomach with human food... but it doesn't feel the same. Nothing fills the void. He will eat his weight in the food from our realm, and quench his thirst with the goblin juice. I envy him, and pity him.
How I wish to leave this cage. This monotonous existence that holds no magick and no meaning. He has such freedom, and yet he bears such a burden. His inability to conform leaves him stranded, outcast. He has such wit, and wisdom, and all I could ask for... all I desire. Yet in this realm, the only currency is gold.
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