Ghost Of A Rose

Promise me- when you see a white rose, you'll think of me.

There is little left to say now. We are at a crossroads, and I fear we shall each choose a solitary path. I'll never forget you, and I mean that. A wandering bard, out of time, out of place in this busy, fussy world. This human, alien world.

The truth is that for as long as I follow you, I'll be subjected to torment that I have not the strength to withstand. I can't put myself through that. Not anymore. Not if I have a choice.

What we had was a fairytale, wasn't it? Beautiful, and so full of magic. Fairytales don't last. And now the year grows old, and I grow weary of pretending. My 'happy' face begins to fade. The light of the evenstar grows dim. In the growing darkness I see more despair- I must find a new light and cling to it before it's too late. I beg you do the same. I don't want you to be lost. Please do that for me.

Promise me?

When you see a white rose, think of me...

EM

Reading Between The Lines.

For someone who clearly has such an aptitude for reading, he still can't see. I think it's over now. I refuse to say it to his face- then all my dignity would be lost, and he has me on my knees already! How many hints do I need to give? How often will I have to hold my breath to stop me from spilling my heart to him?

This is the closest I have come now to saying it directly. I'm a coward, a coward with a fraction of self respect. I've written the words, where he can see them. He must know they are for him? I feel ashamed. I shouldn't.

I hide my face behind a veil. He doesn't sense me, so talks at me instead. Without me he is lonely...he tells me this. So if he is so despairingly alone, why leave me at all? I would give him all of me, and he'd never be lonely again, and yet he will not have it.

And before this, he demands to know my secrets! My biggest secret is not a secret at all. I could scream it at him and he wouldn't get the picture.

Michael Alexander Ian Kebblewhite, it turns out I love you, you silly man!!

I would rather be alone than pretend I feel alright...

...

that just about covers it doesn't it?! I don't think we can still be friends. Not now. Not ever. I'll not feel alright until i'm yours, but i'm not. Now i'm ready to start moving on. I have to be.

Thankyou for your time.

EM*

Losing Hope

I try to convince myself that everything will be okay. I'm just having another 'down' day. I should be grateful that I get to shake it off at home and not completely alienate the people I work with. I fear if they could see me, ripping chunks out of my hair and biting my nails, they'd have me committed.

To be honest, I'm totally sick of myself now. Keeping my own company because nobody else will. Even my 'friends' are not of my world. They don't see the tears I cry. They don't see the hurt I feel. How could they? They're not here

One day, I shall wake up, surrounded by all the good things in the world. One day. Or maybe not.