What am I supposed to want now? What am I supposed to do?

I'm over existing in limbo, I'm over the myths and placebos, I don't really mind if I just fade away. If I don't know how I feel about myself, how can I expect others to do so? If I don't know what I really want, how can I blame others for not knowing? To One Sick Knave, the knight, I wish all the best. I love you so dearly, and If things were different, I'd never part with you. I'm finding it difficult now to fill my time with things that make me as happy as you always have done. To my King of the North, I feel crushed that you would lie to me. Now I know you can't be trusted, I wish we could have stayed friends, but even I have enough self worth to walk away. And to the young prince in your finest armour, you show such promise, even now, and could win my favour should you wish it, but there is something dark in you. Something that festers, and that makes you so appealing, and at the same time pushes me away. I wish that one of you would prove yourselves. I wish one of you would try to earn my love. I wish my emotions weren't wasted on those who make me question my own existence.